Lush’s Ponche Shower Gel smells like all the times I’ve ever gotten alcohol poisoning.
Like the last time I went out and socialized, I ended up throwing up hot cheetoes I impulsively ate all over my favorite swans shirt that reads “PUBLIC CASTRATION IS A GOOD IDEA” in big letters. It also reminds me of drinking very cheap tequila, very casually, on a Tuesday. And then going to bed with a big headache and an even bigger sense of regret.
While the concept of a boozy shower gel is so enticing to me, a possible alcoholic in the works, it just isn’t for me. I really wanted to love this, so much so I bought a 500g bottle, and now I regret it. Another tequila related regret to add to my book. I can hear 5 of the 269 voices in my head telling me “You should’ve just bought the 1L bottle of Rose Jam because you know you love Rose Jam”. I can’t now. I’m sorry. I spent all my money on shower gels I didn’t even know if I would like. This is a major buzzkill. I will never believe the hype the bulk majority of Lushies create ever again. First they disappoint me with Twilight, and now this.
Anyways, the main notes I get from Ponche is the tequila and the blackcurrant. It’s a very unadulterated blackcurrant I smell from this that’s blackberry-esque. Usually I am all about the blackcurrant but I find the scent works best with more creamy and “soft” notes like in the original comforter bubble bar. Not tequila and cinnamon which are more sharp then soft. The orange in this is strangely floral to me, which is probably just it intermingling with the sweetness of the plum. I can see why they say this shower gel is great for waking up in the morning. It’s like when you drink more to avoid the hangover. Just smell more alcohol and trick your brain into thinking you are about to drink some, and there you go. Lush created the first alcohol related equivalent to a nicotine patch and you’ve just avoided the need for your morning mimosa ritual. This is so strong, fragrant, and potent that it’s like a bunch of little elves going in to your nose and doing such a good job of trimming your nose hairs that they nip the interior walls of your nostrils. That same stinging sensation.
To speak on it’s scent power and longevity, I’m currently writing this review solely based off of the scent it left on my skin. Which is a plus, if you like this scent. It is long lasting and actually stays on the skin. It is also moisturizing and not drying at all. It’s quite a thick shower gel, one of Lush’s more thicker shower gels. I always love Lush’s shower gels when it comes to their actual performance (scent is another thing), and this one doesn’t disappoint when it comes to actually functioning as a product to clean my disgusting, filthy body.
It also smells like a mom. That’s what my boyfriend says and I agree. It smells like something a mom would wear, or what a mom would buy in fancy floral packaging in the bath and beauty products section of a TJ Maxx or Marshall’s. If you are a mom or someone genetically predestined to reproduce and/or bear children, you will like this. If you are anti-natalist like me, probably/maybe not.
After a full day of being the most apologetic and heroically self loathing person in the world, I don’t think I can be sorry about writing such a cynical and nihilistic review for a shower gel. I want to sell off the rest of this shower gel, but the Lush hoarder in me is just going to keep it until 1.) I get tempted to use it and delude myself into thinking it smells good, 2.)It becomes a rare commodity again once The Lush Oxford Christmas stuff is officially done for the season/year or 3.) I put it in my shower caddy alongside all my other shower gels to create a false sense of luxury in my life. Because who else could afford having such a wide range of shower gels to choose from for her daily shower, other than a college drop embarking upon the unescapable and perpetual cycle of either being unemployed or working minimum wage?
I’m not sure if this scent is so terrible it actually makes me want to throw up, or if it makes me throw up out of reflex/habit in response to the scent. Like how my gag reflex starts working whenever I think of or see a pill from all the times I’ve overdosed. Maybe that’s what it is. This scent is too real. We lushies love taking baths and buying all this smelly shit because it helps us escape from the terrors of everyday life. Grass scented shower gel in the winter when the grass outside is crystalized under a thick layer of snow, or a relaxing minty bath when your muscles are sore after a hard day at work. Sparkly bath water to make you feel like the mermaid you aren’t. Ponche doesn’t help me escape. It brings me further into my world of woe. It’s brought me to the center of it, and no, there’s no bath melt or oil to make everything all soft in this fast fizzing bath bomb of life. There’s a little fortune cookie sized note, hand embedded courtesy of the Lush Kitchen that says “You have a problem. You buy too much fucking Lush as an attempt at gaining short term gratification because you are too superficial to engage in an actually dangerous addiction with a substance that could possibly ruin your physical appearance”
I’ll revisit this review once i’ve given this shower gel a fair trial.
Would I recommend this?: Yes, But I would maybe get the smallest size first. (Which you’re probably incapable of if you’re a Lush addict like me and are afraid if you get to small of a size and ended up loving it, you will have wished you got more) Learn from my mistake, especially if you’ve never smelled this for yourself before.
Would I repurchase?: No…
- Long Lasting Scent
- Good Consistency
- Vegan & Cruelty Free
- It makes me smell like a mom
- Seasonal/ Limited Release/ Oxford/Online Exclusive
- Only available online for people outside of The UK
- Only Available in store @ Lush’s Oxford St. location
Moisturizing Power: 4/5
Overall Rating: 3/5